Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
