He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
