nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize