I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
