Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
there is puke in my bra ... again
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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