you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
