It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
