exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize