Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
