if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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