im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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