i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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