Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
