so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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