Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
