I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
