girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
