So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
