Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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