What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
