Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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