New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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