My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
