4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
