Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize