who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
