i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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