im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
