So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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