Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
