Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
