Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
