I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize