yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize