Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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