I can text with my tongue
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
