After last night, I could never be a politician.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
