i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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