3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
