dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
