I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
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