I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
