ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
