And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
