The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
