Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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