id be glad to
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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