For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
