I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
