I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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