I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
