I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
