talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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