cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
