There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
