It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
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