Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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