You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize