okay pat passed out under dana's car
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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