she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize