her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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