Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
