Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
