Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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