to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
