Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
