at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize