Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
