As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Mom said you looked used
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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