Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
