You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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