Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
