I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
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